What if every one of my ethnic origins was visually apparent?
What if German looked strikingly different from Swedish?
What if everyone who passed me noticed that I was French?
What would they think?
Would they stare?
Would they ask me where I was from?
Would they eavesdrop eagerly when I talk to my children
listening for traces of an accent?
Would they watch me to see
how Irish mothers treat their children?
If I chose an unhealthy treat, would they assume
that's just what Czech people eat?
If I was having a bad day, would they assume
that Norwegian lady doesn't like American people?
If my origins were obvious, if I had Danish skin
or Scottish hair
or Austrian eyes
Would I worry about people's staring?
Would I dread their questions and comments?
Would I tire of representing everyone who shares my ancestry?
I recently completed a parent training course for our adoption
about being a multicultural family. The class gave me a lot of food for
thought. I like to think that I'm a pretty unbiased person and open and free of
prejudices, but it has been interesting and sobering to examine my own
thought patterns regarding people who are different in some way. I've
been more aware of my thoughts recently - how I think about people,
what mental questions I ask myself about them, etc. Today, while
shopping at the Asian market, I noticed I had more of those same
thoughts about the people I saw: "Where are they from?" "How long have
they been here in the US?" "What do they think of me as a 'white girl'
shopping at 'their' market?" "Are all Asians this quiet? Dang, that
makes my kids look noisy." I thought about how biased, how unfair, but
at the same time how naturally these questions and thoughts come. Food for thought.
I welcome comments and the experiences of people who have experienced something like this.
I welcome comments and the experiences of people who have experienced something like this.
I've lived in two different places where I was the ethnic minority. In both cases, I was very white in Mexican-descended areas. I was never overtly discriminated against (unless you count coworkers laughing at my expense because their "mild" food made my eyes water, face go red, and whole body overheat), thankfully. However, I will never forget the feeling of walking through Walmart. I often smile at women with children, or just the children wherever I go. To me, it's a way of being friendly, open, and amiable. In Albuquerque, though, the women glared at me. Sometimes they watched me until I walked away. Other times, they studiously turned away. It was beyond uncomfortable. I knew I was overstepping some cultural boundary, but I had no idea why. I had no way of knowing what about it was wrong, and eventually stopped making eye contact at all. It didn't make me feel scared or unsafe, but it did make me feel small, stupid, and unwelcome.
ReplyDeleteAll that, even though that's half of what I was studying! I LOVE culture study. Now I know that Mexicans don't make eye contact as a show of respect, and that undoubtedly is a part of the culture in Albuquerque. So even though I was intending just the opposite, I was being pretty rude. Those are little things that get ignored all over the place when we deal with "other" cultures here. Even our own subcultures get it wrong all the time. Thinking about differences is normal and natural; it's how we distinguish "safe" from "unsafe" on an unconscious level. It's when we turn them into judgements and assumptions or change the way we treat people that they become problems. I asked a nice older gentleman from the South the other day where he was from because of his accent. When I was in London, I was asked where *I* was from because of mine. The man from Florida and I had a nice chat. The London teen behind the counter at KFC insisted I must be Australian. (By the way, they don't serve mashed potatoes. At KFC. Gads!) I've been more insulted by other "white girls" assuming things about me because of the way I dress or choose to speak, or "white men" treating me as inferior because I'm female. But then, that's me. :) Those are the differences that matter to *me* in *my* world. When it comes down to it, even supposing how other groups feel in response to our thoughts is still arrogant and demeaning. The only way to get around it is to treat every individual like an individual, and hope not to mess it up. :)
~Holly
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I appreciate your insights.
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