So, WHY, when we already have five healthy, home-baked children, with not even a breath of infertility, are we considering adoption? As one friend so delicately put it: "Aren't you two, like, baby-making machines?" Or as others have said, "Haven't you had enough already?" Way to be to-the-point. Most people just swallow their shock, surprise (or perhaps occasionally disgust) and say, "Well, bless your little heart!" Aw, thanks.
But really, WHY? We have everything we need, everything we wanted, we have our "hands full" as I hear on every grocery trip. Why adoption?
Simply put: ...nevermind, it's not simple. But it comes down to a couple key factors.
First: You could say that we planned this before we planned our wedding. The details were not what they are now, but the idea was firmly planted 12 years ago. (This isn't making me sound less crazy, is it?) The bottom line is - we were told that we probably would never be able to have children. I have endometriosis, which aside from being a royal pain during menstrual cycles, often prevents or complicates pregnancies, decreasing fertility in some and increasing risk of miscarriage in others - or both. There was a very real possibility that we would face serious infertility issues. Needless to say, the issue never came to fruition, but before we knew that, we had decided that if it came down to it, we were both very much in favor of the idea of adopting our children. I guess it's an idea that couldn't be put to rest simply because it wasn't "necessary" for us to build our family.
Second: Everyone but me thinks that I have a hard time with pregnancy. I think what it really is is that they have to deal.with.me. and THAT is difficult. Morning sickness is no picnic, but I've never had it that bad for that long. The crushing fatigue of the first couple months certainly takes its toll on the family. If I wake up by 7am, we're lucky, but I'm ready for a nap by 8:15am. NOT the best thing for a mom with little kids at home (or her poor husband who suddenly has to take on WAY more of the housework and wonder IF there will be dinner - and no, he's not allowed to cook and you'd know why if you let him.) The biggest physical issues with pregnancy are my joints. I must produce enough relaxin to supply a whole army of preggo mommies. My pelvis loosened so much during my 3rd and 4th pregnancies that the symphasis (the part where the two halves of the pelvic structure meet and are supposed to be interlocked) actually separated! I functionally was walking on a pelvic fracture. NOT FUN! Huge pain, and some days I couldn't move. Thank God forever for Dr. John Davis at Atlas Chiropractic! I saw him regularly during my 5th pregnancy and didn't have any hip or pelvic discomfort until about 35 weeks! If I hadn't fallen down the stairs at 7 months, I could have just about called it a "pain-free pregnancy". Alas, because this is an issue, several people close to me, including my mother and husband, feel that another pregnancy is just inviting mobility issues and the potential of permanent joint damage. (My husband adds: "I think you are much more easily damaged during pregnancy than you are letting on here." Like I said, no matter what I think, HE's the one who has to deal with me.)
Third: it's traditional! There are more adopted people in my family than home-baked people. I am second-generation adopted, along with my two brothers and sister. My mother and her sisters are adopted as well. Any little person adopted into my family will be third generation, with plenty of support and understanding. We make such a fascinating nature/nurture case study.
Fourth: we're ready for it. We already have experience with children, including children with difficult conditions. Because of this, we feel prepared to adopt a special-needs child. What does this mean? From China, "special needs" could mean anything from a strawberry birthmark (which is considered unlucky) to gastroschisis, a condition in which a large part of the digestive system hangs on the outside of the baby's body through the belly button. 40% of the special-needs children abandoned in China have cleft lip and palate. This is surgically correctable and many prospective adoptive parents are fine with accepting a child with this condition. We are open to several conditions, but specifically interested in a child with a hearing impairment (from mild hearing loss to complete deafness). Only about 3% of the children needing adoptive families in China have hearing loss, but they are harder to place because unlike cleft palate or club foot or even a heart defect, hearing loss is not correctable by surgery; it is a lifelong condition. For our family, though, it's not a huge deal. We have many friends and associates who have some degree of hearing loss, from moderate to profound. Every member of our family uses some sign language. I myself have been serving as a volunteer interpreter for the deaf at our church for nearly 8 years. I'm not awesome, but I'm functional. Hearing loss is not a foreign or frightening thing for our family.
Finally, WHY NOT??? We are a loving family with the means to support ourselves, and we want to bring in and raise a child who is already out there who does NOT have the benefit of that kind of family. I don't see a reason not to adopt.
Do we have enough kids? Well yes, we could be (and are) very happy with who we have already been blessed with... but I don't know that you can ever really share your love and life "enough".
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